Are You Addicted To Your ChildrenAre You Addicted To Your Children

Is it possible to be using our children addictively?

Anything that we use to get love, avoid pain, and fill up inner emptiness can become an addiction ? even our children! If your children are your whole life ? if you don't have a strong spiritual connection with a personal source of love and guidance, as well as other relationships and interests that you are passionate about, you might be using your children to fill an empty place within you.

If you don't have a partner or your relationship with your partner is not fulfilling to you, and you don't have deeply connected and meaningful friendships, then you might be using your kids as your major emotional connection. If you don't have hobbies or work that are compelling and fulfilling to you, you might be using your children to give meaning to your life. If you don't have a daily spiritual practice that brings love and comfort to your soul, you might be using your children to fill this need.

If this is what you are doing, it is not good for your children. It is a huge burden on children to be responsible for their parent's loneliness and sense of purpose. Children who feel this responsibility often become caretakers, giving themselves up to take care of a parent. On the other hand, a child burdened with this responsibility may rebel and distance from the parent, spending less and less time at home to avoid the burden of the parent's emptiness.

I grew up as an only child with a mother who had nothing fulfilling in her life ? other than me. Her whole focus was on me, and because I couldn't possibly fill her up in the way she needed to be filled, she was often angry at me. I became a good little girl, a good caretaker of my mother, but the result was that I was a nervous and unhappy child, and wanted to be away from my house as much as possible.

Our children need to be a part of our life, not our whole life. We need to role-model for them what it looks like to take personal responsibility for filling ourselves up. We need to show them what it looks like to take responsibility for making ourselves happy, rather than rely on them for our happiness. Your children want to know that they are important to you, but not so important that your well-being is dependent upon them. You might want to explore the following questions to see if you may be using your children addictively:

  • Do you have a solid spiritual practice that fills you with a sense of peace and gives meaning to your life?

  • Are you expressing your particular talents in a way that feels meaningful and productive to you and gives you a sense of fulfillment?

  • Do you have fulfilling emotional connections with other adults ? a partner, other family members or friends?

If you answered ?yes? to these, then you are probably not using your children addictively.

  • Do you feel bored and useless when your children are not around? Is it your children that give your life meaning?

  • Is your sense of worth attached to your children's achievements? Do you tend to take it personally if one of your children has a problem?

  • Are you over-involved in your children's lives?

  • Are you overly sensitive if one of our children is angry or distant? Do you find yourself trying to pacify your children rather than set appropriate limits in order to avoid their rejection?

  • Did you choose to have children to share the fullness of your love or did you have children in the hopes of getting love from them?

If you answered ?yes? to one or more of these, then there is a good possibility that you are using your children addictively. If this is the case, the best thing you can do for you and your children is to move yourself toward a solid spiritual practice, look for meaningful ways of expressing your talents, and develop emotional connection and support from other adults.

by Margaret Paul PhD
References and Bibliography

About The Author

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Rated:NR/0 Votes
3 Views
Add To My Article Reading List
Add To My Article Reading List
Print Article
Print
More Article By Margaret Paul PhD
More Article by Margaret Paul PhD
Share
More Articles From Parenting
More Articles From Parenting
Related Articles and Readings
7 Powerful Ways to Show Love to Children By: Steve Brunkhorst
Our children are our most important legacy to the world. However, our love is our most important legacy to our children. Here are seven ways to show love that will help children build sturdy foundations for the future.1. Spend Time with Your Children.Time is the most loving gift we can ...
Divorce and Children Things To Consider When Youre Staying Married Only For Your Children By: Karl Augustine
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.As a parent, you should know your children better than anyone...use your ...
PlayDate Initiative By: Michell Muldoon
It Takes Initiative To Get Kids To PlayPlay is a rare luxury for most kids in this country.In today's world, children live a life that is over-scheduled. Children go from school, to after-hours day care, sports, music and dance lessons or other types of after-school activities. There are ...
Vacationing with Children By: Barbara Hemphill
Traveling with children will be a memorable event ? the question is ?What kind?? Your chances of a lifetime memory you will cherish increase significantly with some advance communication and preparation.The book, Love It or Lose It: Living Clutter-Free Forever, outlines a five-step process you can apply to organizing any ...
Mutants or Clones By: Jeffrey D Murrah
In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded with themes of mutants, cyborgs, evolving and the digital world. These words intimidated me at first, until I learned what the shows were talking about. I wondered how this prepares children for living in the 21st century. The answer hit ...
The information provided in this article and/or the comments is the sole responsibility of their respective authors and does not necessarily reflect the opinion of ezinepost.com. ezinepost.com  does not endorse any article and/or comments published by our web users unless otherwise noted. 

Member Panel

login to submit articles and more

StatisticsEZINEPOST.COM

  • » Active Categories: 419
  • » Active Articles:252603
  • » Active Authors:31917
  • » Active Members: 38237
  • » Statistics Updated:
    - Tue Sep 1st, 2020 09:28AM EST