The Secret To Emotional HealingThe Secret To Emotional Healing

What does it mean to emotionally heal? It means that you know what you are thinking or doing that causes fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, anger, jealousy, and so on, and how to learn from and heal these painful feelings. It means that you no longer turn to addictions to avoid loneliness, heartache, heartbreak, sorrow or grief because you know how to manage and release these painful feelings. It means that you do not feel like a victim of others' choices and instead operate from a place of personal power, taking loving care of yourself rather than being reactive. It means that you are able to manifest the gifts you have been given and spend your time in what brings you joy. It means that you know how to fill yourself with love and share love with others rather than trying to get love and approval from others.

How Does Healing Occur?

Some therapies, such as CBT - Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy - bring about changes that can be a huge help to people suffering from depression. But what about anger, heartbreak, and relationship problems?

One of the problems with some forms of psychotherapy is that our programmed mind cannot heal our programmed mind. Much of our pain comes from the false beliefs that have been programmed into a part of our left-brain called the amygdala - which is the seat of the ego, the wounded self. All of us absorbed many false beliefs as we were growing up that now limit us and can cause us much pain.

As long as we operate from our ego wounded self, we are stuck operating from these false beliefs, as the wounded self cannot heal the wounded self. So how do we heal the false beliefs of the wounded self?

Healing occurs when we develop a part of ourselves - what we call in Inner Bonding® the loving Adult - that is able to access a source of truth. Our ego wounded self has no ability to access truth. The loving Adult is a part of us that opens to learning with a spiritual source of love and truth, and learns to bring the truth through the mind - rather than the thoughts that come from the mind - which is what starts to heal the false beliefs.

The loving Adult learns to take loving action in our own behalf based on the truth that is accessed from Spirit, and the more we take loving action for ourselves and with others, the more we heal the false beliefs that are limiting ourselves and causing our pain.

While the wounded self always operates from an intent to control getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe, the loving Adult operates from an intent to learn about what loving to ourselves and others. It is this shift in intent - from controlling to learning about love - that begins the healing process. There is no deep, long-term healing as long as our intent is to control.

The more you learn to love yourself and share your love with others, the more you heal. The secret of emotional healing and emotional freedom is to develop your spiritually connected loving Adult, as there is no true healing without a spiritual connection. Any therapy that does not include the development of a spiritual connected loving Adult will not lead to long-term emotional freedom.

How do we create the loving Adult? By practicing opening to learning with a source of spiritual Guidance - whatever that is for you. If you have no spiritual belief system or you are an atheist, no problem. Just imagine an older wise part of yourself. If you practicing asking this older wiser part of yourself questions about truth and loving action, you will be amazed at the answers you get. And as you take the loving action you are instructed to take, you will gradually heal the false beliefs that are causing much of your pain.
by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
References and Bibliography
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process, featured on Oprah. Ready to join the thousands who have healed their pain and discovered their joy? Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.
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