When Counseling FailsWhen Counseling Fails

When Counseling Fails

by Connie H. Deutsch

So, there I was, standing on the sidewalk, shaking from the inside out, having a meltdown for the first time in my life, when I heard a voice within me saying, "If you don't get rid of this client right now, you're going to be dead within three months."

I terminated the relationship immediately and three months later, I was rushed by ambulance to the Emergency Room of a hospital. She had finally, completely and deliberately, destroyed my health.

Starting from the beginning, from twenty years ago, I had heard this same voice within my head telling me not to accept this woman as my client but this woman's contention was that I was already working with someone she knew, and she needed the same kind of counseling and health program, so, against my better judgment, I accepted her as a client.

We started with the biggest issues. She was an inveterate liar, lacking integrity; she was also a drama queen and a phony, and she expected everyone to take care of all her financial needs even if she wasn't in a relationship with them. In addition to that, she had a deep need for an audience because she was the biggest hypochondriac and actress I had ever met, making everything into a tragedy so she could play the victim.

Early on, I spoke to her about her cold streak and her lack of caring for people and she agreed that she does have a cold streak and that she doesn't care about people. It's as though she has a disconnect button. Furthermore, there is no remorse that she doesn't care about her clients but, being the actress that she is, she pretends to care about them. It was also apparent that the only one she cares about is herself.

From the very beginning, she kept telling me that she wanted to be the center of my universe and I kept telling her that my family is the center of my universe. She also kept telling me that she wished she had my talent because I have the ability to see into people's bodies and heal them, physically and emotionally. She doesn't have that ability; very few people do and I've always used this gift for the betterment of mankind.

Over the years, she would call me about her clients and I would always help her by tuning into them but when she told me some of the things she was doing with them, I cautioned her not to do their health issues because she doesn't have the ability to see into their bodies and I tried to make her understand that she is putting her clients at risk and herself at risk. In actuality, I saved her from making huge mistakes over and over through the years.

One day, she called me and told me that she had just told a woman that she shouldn't worry, that she would be fine. When I tuned into this woman, I told my client to call her immediately because this woman was hemorrhaging internally and unless she got immediate medical care, she would die. And, that's exactly what happened. When the woman was taken to the Emergency Room, she was bleeding internally and she would have died if she had believed my client who had told her not to worry, that she would be fine. My client made this woman think that she had saved her life.

This went on and on, repeatedly for the twenty years I worked with her, always bailing her out of trouble and seeing that she really didn't care about her clients; she just wanted to be able to do what I can do. And, all during these years, she kept telling me how much she was learning from me.

I never realized, until the very end, that she hadn't learned anything from me; she had only copied my behavior in learning what compassion and caring looked like so that she could pretend to be compassionate and caring.

To this day, she has never had a friend because she never saw me interacting with my family and friends so she couldn't copy my "friendship" behavior. But it was watching me tune into people's health problems and fix them, that she learned how to pretend that she knows what is going on with their health. I only hope she doesn't kill someone one of these days.

She had always told me that she didn't want me to use my gift to help other people; she wanted to be the sole recipient of it. But, never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that she would deliberately destroy my health so that I couldn't help anyone else.

When I told her that her negativity was causing my health to be adversely affected, she deliberately increased her negativity, complaining about everything with every phone call. When I told her that I didn't want to do her health issues anymore, and that her health was fine, she kept pushing my boundaries and calling me almost every day, sometimes six times a day, to complain about something.

She would say, "I'm off my food. I haven't eaten my breakfast. I haven't moved my bowels. I have a whatever (fill in the missing blanks)," on and on and on in spite of me telling her not to do these things and that she was harming me because my body was weakening from all the negativity she was subjecting me to. She was always pushing my boundaries and all during those twenty years, every time she took advantage of me and kept ignoring my boundaries, I kept ignoring the voice within me telling me to get rid of her.

No matter what she had, it was never enough and she was never happy. Of all the people I know, she had the most to be happy about but she wasn't. If someone had more Internet viewers than she had, she was envious of that person, and she was especially envious of my clients, none of whom she had ever met.

It made no difference if she knew someone, if they seemed to be more successful than her, she was envious of them and in competition with people she will never meet. I had to keep reminding her that I wasn't in competition with her but apparently, she kept trying to compete with me even though I wasn't competing with her.

For the first ten years, she made it seem as though she was an orphan, saying things like, "You, at least have a family." In actuality, she had lived at home for the first thirty years of her life and she had very devoted parents.

Her need for an audience was so great, and no matter how many people watched her on the Internet it was never enough. No matter how much money she had, it was never enough. Nothing will ever be enough for her and she will never be happy and she will always be jealous and possessive.

I put everything I had into helping her but she is as phony as a three-dollar bill today, as she was when I met her. To this day, she will smile and act as though she cares about people but, by her own admission, she doesn't care about anyone. She is totally disconnected from humanity, although you would never know it by looking at her or listening to her.

This is what the failure of counseling looks like. I didn't accomplish anything with her except giving her the tools to make her appear like a victim so that she could get a huge Internet audience to feel sorry for her.

And now I have neither the health nor the concentration to work with my clients. I can't concentrate sufficiently to pull in the information from the universe that is necessary to help them. She must be ecstatic to know she got what she has been wanting these past twenty years; my health is now completely destroyed so I haven't been able to help the people who would have benefited from it.

In addition to wasting twenty years of my life trying to help this client, I have now seen what it looks like when your counseling techniques have failed totally and absolutely.

by Connie H. Deutsch
References and Bibliography
Connie’s books: Whispers of the Soul, A Slice of Life, Whispers of the Soul for the Rest of Your Life, View from the Sidelines, Reaching for the Brass Ring of Life, Here and There, The Counseling Effect...and more. Visit website: http://www.conniehdeutsch.com to Read more Connie H Deutsh Articles
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